Sunday Morning (or, My New Ritual)

You: I tried to get you / text you on your cell phone.

Me: I turned it off.

You: Why?

Me: I didn’t want to be disturbed.

(Translation: I didn’t want you asking me for money / a ride / a favor.)

You: What if there was an emergency?

Me: I’m not equipped for emergencies.

(Translation: Call 911.)

You: But what if it was something important?

Me: Define “important.”

(Translation: It’s important only if it’s important to me … not you.)

You: Well, what if it was a family thing?

Me: Define “family.”

(Translation: When you say “family,” you really mean yourself and no one else.)

You: If I ask you, and you don’t want to, just say so.

Me: I don’t want to.

You: [Hangs up.]

Me: [Breathes a liberating sigh.]

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